Crítica de la empatía

empatía

El infame tercer pedazo de pan.

A joint by Keko Yunque y Pablo Herrero

 
“I am human and I need to be loved, just like everybody else does”.
Morrissey, Morrissey, Morrissey.
Riquelme citando a Morrissey.

– La gente es muy pelotuda. Ayer fui a almorzar al lugar de la comida krishna y estaba lleno, para variar, así que me quedé esperando en la fila. Se desocupó una mesa de afuera, como para tres personas, y como yo soy un huevón considerado no me quise sentar ahí solo, perdiendo espacio. Pero la gente de la fila me presionó para que me sentara y así corriera la fila, y como también soy un huevón influenciable, me senté. De repente una mujer de la fila (que eran como 4 personas) le propuso a otro pelotudo que compartiéramos la mesa, claro que sin preguntarle al tipo que ya estaba sentado en la mesa, que era yo. El pelotudo era un pelotudo ubicado, así que no atendió a lo que decía la mujer, quien se acercó a la mesa y me preguntó si acaso se podía sentar. ¿Y qué le iba a decir uno? ¿Que en realidad prefería sentarme solo? Claro, eso tiene sentido, pero además de considerado y respetuoso, soy un huevón muy cívico que cree en el karma, y pensé que lo cívico y civilizado era compartir la mesa, aún cuando no quisiera hacerlo, y que si alguna vez sentía la urgencia de sentarme en una mesa con un desconocido no me gustaría ser rechazado.

– Brutal.

– Pero eso no es el quid del asunto. Después de que le dije que no había problema, la mujer se sentó en la mesa, pero no lo hizo en el puesto frente al mío, obviamente, sino en el otro, junto a mí. Tampoco estábamos tan cerca, pero no había necesidad de hacer las cosas más incómodas, y por incómodas me refiero a la dificultad de mover libremente las manos y los servicios, que son artículos con filo y punta. Incluso asumí que elegir ese puesto fue un gesto de civilidad de su parte, dejando el otro libre para el pelotudo que no le hizo caso. Pero el pelotudo no se sentó y no había problema en que se cambiara de puesto, tal vez haciendo un chiste acerca de eso o un comentario liviano a fin de hacer todo más casual.

– Por favor, continúa.

– Para más remate, cuando la mujer que atiende las mesas trajo los pocillos con las salsas, dejó en la mesa tres mitades de pan para los dos. Usualmente dejan dos mitades de pan, pero la mujer seguramente pensó que andábamos juntos y que no tendríamos problemas en compartir, pero la situación era un poco más complicada que eso. Yo tomé una mitad y ella tomó otra, y entonces quedó la tercera mitad a la espera de que alguno reaccionara. No tengo nociones acerca de qué sería correcto en ese caso. ¿Tomo el pedazo de pan y lo parto por la mitad? ¿Lo parto con el cuchillo? ¿Le pregunto si acaso ella quiere el pan?

– Es un dilema complejo.

– Ciertamente. Supongo que los dos nos enfrentamos a la misma disyuntiva y reaccionamos de manera similar, porque el pan quedó intacto durante el resto del almuerzo.

– Lógico.

– El problema no se hubiera presentado si el local se hubiera apegado a la regla del número par. O a la regla de un hombre, una unidad. Pero es un lugar krishna donde la gente que atiende se saluda con palabras raras y usa un mechón un poco más abajo de la mollera por cabellera. Supongo que allí las reglas sobre compartir y repartir son diferentes.

– ¿Y qué pasó?

– Ella pidió lasaña y yo, canelones. El tiempo hasta que llegó lo que pedimos fue incómodamente largo. Luego comimos en silencio, con la vista clavadas en los propios platos, midiendo cada movimiento para no pasar a llevar un codo o un vaso ajeno. Yo terminé antes y tomé mi plato sucio para devolverlo a la cocina, lo que en realidad era una excusa para pararme rápido, porque el procedimiento tradicional incluye dejar los platos sucios para que sean retirados por la mujer que atiende las mesas. Y entonces, otra disyuntiva: ¿Debería despedirme? ¿Decir algo amable? ¿Salir raudo sin mirar atrás? Maldije a la mujer por obligarme a tomar todas estas decisiones y todos estos resguardos y opté por el camino simple. Solo dije “Permiso” en el momento exacto en el que las patas de mi silla chirriaban contra el cemento. Me pareció más natural que se mezclara con ese sonido que siempre es tan esperable y evidente en un patio de comidas. Así que entré, pagué y me fui y no miré atrás. No creo que vuelva a ver a la mujer.

– Tremendo.

– Así, no más.

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